Ca fait plaisir

Ca fait plaisir de savoir qu'il y a des gens qui jugent assez important de vous dire qu'ils vous aiment et que vous leur manquez pour écrire un mail en disant juste ça. Il y a des perles rares dans ce monde de brute.
Merci Mat!!

I feel good

I feel good... I feel nice... Imaginez moi danser sur James Brown dans mon salon en pyjama... . 

Il y a quelques mois, je ne pensais pas que je serais capable d'être dans cet état, de dire "oui ça va bien". Mon retour de Montréal a été très dur: j'ai eu l'impression de revenir à la case départ (sans passer par le start et toucher les 1000 francs),d'avoir vécu un rêve bien rose, de me réveiller soudainement et de me rendre compte que j'étais la seule à avoir rêvé. C'était vraiment dur pour moi de me retrouver déconnectée de Montréal: je pouvais raconter avec un million de détails ce que j'avais vécu, j'étais tout de même la seule à avoir été là bas et les gens ne pouvaient pas être sur la même longueur que moi. J'étais vraiment mal, je ne pensais qu'à retourner à Montréal, je trouvais que c'était platte ici, je me demandais comment j'allais arriver à garder la tête hors de l'eau cette année, je m'imaginais déjà être dans un état de déprime constant. Les gens qui changent, moi qui ai changé, les situations qui évoluent, d'autres qui n'ont pas bougés... J'avais envie de faire la révolution et ça me tuait de voir que les choses ne changeaient pas. J'ai eu l'impression de retomber dans une routine affreusement habituelle et connue. Ma vie à Montréal ressemblait à des montagnes russes et de retour à Genève, je me retrouvais dans le petit train.
Mais Dieu m'avait promis qu'il mettrait un chemin dans mon désert et une rivière dans ma solitude (Esaïe 43: 18-19). Sincèrement, à l'époque, je voyais pas trop comment ça serait possible... Mais avec un peu de recul, après une soirée de bonheur à l'état pur avec ma famille, je suis au bord des larmes quand je me rends compte comment Dieu a tenu sa promesse, bien au delà ce que j'avais imaginé. Une partie de mon bonheur canadien partage mon bonheur suisse, longue vie à Internet qui me donne l'impression que les perles du Canada sont juste à côté de moi, mon coeur apprends un langue nouvelle. Les nuages se sont dissipés au dessus de ma tête pour un rayon de soleil.
Moi qui suis d'un naturel assez anxieux, qui avait l'habitude de me réveiller avec des angoisses, de me sentir oppressée pour un rien, je me surprends à être assez calme en ce moment, à avoir une paix assez incroyable (qui surpasse toute intelligence, non?).
Alors oui, l'envie de retourner à Montréal est toujours là, encore plus qu'avant, je ne vous le cacherai pas. Mais je regarde les choses différemment maintenant: je profite de cette année ici pour aimer ma famille et mes amis et me laisser aimer par eux. Mettre en place une pièce du puzzle de ma vie avant de repartir vers le grand froid.
Plein de bonnes choses arrivent: ça va swinguer dans 2 semaines, dans 3 mois je vais me geler pendant 2 semaines au pays des caribous, dans moins d'un mois, on va rider comme des oufs, et j'ai bientôt fini ma licence!!!!!!!! Rajoutez à ça une famille qui cartonne (Marie, ou l'autre comme dirait mes frères, se demande des fous où elle est tombé), des amis extraordinaires... Il manque plus que la neige à mon bonheur.

Ah oui, je suis blonde mainteant, mais vraiment blonde. Oubliez les commentaires du genre "tu étais déjà pas assez bête avant" ou "aaahhh tout s'explique maintenant", ils ont déjà été sorti 

Faith is what I need

"Will I believe when You say Your hand will guide me every day?
Will I receive the words You say, every moment of every day?

I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see
Because this broken road prepares your will for me

Help me to rid my endless fears, You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath you made me new, your grace covers all I do

I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see
Because this broken road prepares Your will for me

Well, I'm broken but I still see Your face
Well, You've spoken pouring words of grace

I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see
Because this broken road prepares Your will for me"

Jeremy Camp-Walk by faith

So... What is it like to be home

So here it is... I've been back home for a little more than 2 weeks and it's a really strange period!!! My mood is like a roller coaster, you know there's this expression in French "Jean qui rit, Jean qui pleure", that's pretty much how I feel those days: one day, i'm all excited, happy of being home, and the other, i'm just doing nothing at home but crying, being nostalgic about Montreal.
So many things changed but at the same time, it's like I never left, I have the feeling to be back at the exact same place. And my year in Montreal seems a pink dream that goes more and more away from me as the days go by. As Abraham said, it's like I lived in "lala land" for a year and now I'm back to reality. And even if this reality is so familiar, it's a new one and I have to adapt to it, to find my place. And it's not just taking the place I had before but finding my new place, defining my role according to the new deal. And boy, it's hard!!! I mean, I love spending time with my family and friends but I have a hard time with certain changes, there's a lot of attitude I don't understand, a lot of things I'd like to change. But I just cannot do it in a snap. It needs time, understanding, certainly some sacrifices. It's also a good time to sort things out, to see what's really important for me, what's worth my time and my energy, what I really want to care about. And there's one thing I know is important, is worth my time and my energy, I really want to care about is God. He's the one who doesn't change, no matter where I am. He's not gonna disappoint me, I'm not gonna be upset because of Him, He's not gonna confuse me. He's just there with me, with a lot of patience and love, telling me that He's not forgetting me but He has great things in store for me. While I was sun bathing (thank you Lord for the great weather!!!!), I opened my Bible and read Isaiah 43: 18-19 "But forget all that; it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland"
So, as I'm walking in a kind of wilderness and dry wasteland, I'm taking this promise and wait for what the Lord is gonna do.

PS: 2 things didn't change: the beauty of Switzerland and the good taste of chocolate ;)

Last night

This is my last night in Canada, well... tomorrow night I'll be in the plane, over the Atlantic so...
It would be the appropriate time to make a bilan (what is the english word by the way? assesssement? a lot of s...) but... I don't know... I think it's still too soon... I think I'm more happy about going home now I think... Knowing that I'm gonna see and hug my friends and family soon is pretty exciting...
I'll tell you at the end of next week how was the return back home.

Brother and sister

It has been like that with my brother fort the last 2 weeks we spent together... He was acting silly all the time and I was laughing all the time... It was great! I love u Simon!

D Day

My parents and my little bother are arriving in Montreal tomorrow for 2 weeks. I'm so excited guys!!!!!!!!!!! We haven't seen each other in 9 months!!!! I really look forward to see them, to share with them a bit of my life here, to show them around and to spend some time together.
But I know it's gonna be a shock: I'm gonna be with them 24h/7 during 2 weeks after 9 months of independancy... Wow... But I know it's gonna be ok, it will just need adjustement...
That's my first step of meeting again my old life... First test... I'm excited to see how things are gonna go...

Here it comes

Here it comes. I knew it would come someday. But I don't understand why it hit me so hard today. I didn't expect it at all, it just came, like a ball in my face. It didn't take long to come. I know I'm gonna have to deal with it through the next couple of weeks, I have no choice.
I realize that my adventure in Canada is coming to an end. Now that my apartment is almost empty and that most of my friends went back home, it strucks me in the face. And I have a hard time dealing with it. My feelings right now are so messed up: in on hand, i'm so excited about seeing my family and my friends soon but, in the other hand, I know it means the end of my amazing year and I have a hard time realizing that I'm gonna turn the page. As I was fearful to leave home 10 months ago, I'm fearful of going back home: I don't know what to expect and I don't want to expect anything because I know it's gonna be so different. When I came back from my trip in the USA 12 days ago, I surprised myself in thinking "it feels so good to be home". Montreal is my home right now but I'm gonna leave it and try to readapt as best as I can to my home in Europe.
I know the next weeks are gonna be really strange, full of different emotions and my mood is gonna be messed up again. Is there a remedy? Tell me you who already went back home... But I doubt it...

Vacations + spring = happy Marion

I love vacations, I love being on vacations! Waking up whenever I want. Not having to worry about getting up because I have to study. Being able to do nothing for the all day. Enjoying life, slowly, peacefully.
I love Spring. Spending the afternoon in the park. Feeling the sun on my skin. Dozing while reading Blue like Jazz. Enjoying the company of my roomates. Life is pretty good.

J'aime les vacances, j'aime être en vacances. Me réveiller quand je veux. Ne pas avoir à me soucier d'étudier pour l'université. Pouvoir ne rien faire de la journée. Profiter de la vie, simplement, paisiblement.
J'aime le printemps. Passer l'après-midi dans un parc. Sentir le soleil sur ma peau. Somnoler en lisant Blue like Jazz. Profiter d'être avec mes colocs. La vie est plutôt agréable.

Time of change

I have a friend who became christian just a month ago. He's really on fire for God, hungry and thirsty of the Bible, of the new things he can discover everyday about God and the christian life. He has a lot of questions and wants to know what it is to live with God.
As I share a little bit of his journey, talking with him about God and chistian life, I realized, well God made me realized, that my attitude toward my own journey is not correct. I'm born in a christian family, I've been a christian for 7 years and because of my background, I think I know quite everything about God, about christiannity, about the church. I don't let God suprise me, amaze me because "I've been there before".
Yesterday night at church, we prayed for a time of change. I prayed fo a time of change in my journey with God: I want to be like my friend, to have the same hungryness, even if I know God for a long time. I want to begin every single day of my life with an expectation on my heart that God will reveal something new to me. I don't want to be blasé. I don't want to be a christian who feels superior because of my "seniority".
God, make this day as if it was the first day in my journey with You.

Let's get up again

Take My Hand
Written by Shawn McDonald and Paul Wright

Take my hand to the promise land
And on You I want to stand
‘Cause I cannot do it on my own
You're what I need and I need to be
Right by Your side ‘cause I cannot hide
Lord, I know that I need You
Na na na na na na na na na, I need You
Na na na na na na na na na, I need You
Without You I'm so alone
I am weak but You are strong
You pick me up when I'm falling down
And I am crying
Out to You inside of my heart
I need You, Lord, oh so, for the part
I want You to have my life, Jesus
I fall to my knees
And I'm begging You, please, oh, Lord
Won't You change me
Make me new from the inside out
I want to shout out Your name

The lyrics of this songs are pretty common. In the sense that it's a pretty common theme in christian songs, "Lord I need you, Take me life, change me..."
But I love that song so much: the music, the words... Everything is good!!! And it describes so good what I want to say to God right now: I took You so many for granted, I took Your love, Your presence in my life for granted too many times. And as I took it for granted, I went away from You because I didn't realize how much I need You, I thought I could do it on my own. But no. I'm not Super Marion, I cannot change the bad things in my personality, in my life, all by myself. I cannot do it on my own.
Lord, I acknowledge that I need you. And I ask You to come and make me new, more dependant on you. That You become more and I become less.
I feel so selfish when I see all the blessings in my life and that I don't give God all the praises He deserves for what He did. And I'm amazed to see that He continues to bless me, even if I'm not as thanxful as I should be. And I feel so tiny compared to Him. But I'm sure that's what He wants to teach me: how great He is, how small I am but how much He loves me and how much He wants me to be happy.

So... I hope I'll learn my lesson. I will fall down again. For sure. But that's the moments God uses so I'm kind of excited about the next fall to see what God will teach me. And as Superchick said, "I'm not afraid to fall
It means I climbed up high
To fail is not to fall
You fail when you don't try"

So let's get up again and see the wonders of God, the promise land.

PS: pour les français, je vais essayer de faire mes messages bilingues mais je promet rien... En attendant, pratiquez votre anglais avec moi...